“To Err is Human, To Forgive Divine”
– Alexander Pope
To Err
I have been reflecting on some past and present decisions recently, and this quote by Alexander Pope keeps popping into my head. Initially, I planned to discuss a decision I have made and the rationale behind the decision. As I sat with this concept more, I sought for the root behind the need to explain my decisions. I was suddenly struck by the quote “To err is human, to forgive divine.”
I am human, and I am inherently imperfect because of that fact. I have made various mistakes throughout my life…some with amazing flair. Some with significant consequences. Some came with lessons and others the lessons were entirely missed. The concept that as humans we are bound to make mistakes and we should embody the lessons we learn by making mistakes is not new. However, this concept can be difficult for me to embody because of my upbringing and enculturation. I grew up believing that if I didn’t make mistakes or if I was perfect, I would be worthy, I would be accepted, and I would be loved.
This story and its narrative are flawed because perfection is a myth. I am worthy, I am accepted, and I am loved . . . because I am authentic to myself. I am intelligent, I am compassionate, I am fun, I am loved, I am caring, I am . . . a lot of things. AND . . . I am imperfectly human.
So why am I bringing this up . . .
As I reflected on the clinic, my profession, my spirituality, and my life recently, I realized my work and life are out of balance. I have not been practicing the strategies that I advise to patients. My love for my work, the love of my colleagues, the passion for my profession, and my compassion for our patients, all played a role in prioritizing my work and profession while letting my self-care and personal life languish. I keep a regular self-care regimen and I have a thriving personal life, but my work and professional life are currently the largest slice of time and energy in my life. This is not a negative thing, but rather an observation.
I am human, and I am allowed to make mistakes, and I have made one. I have allowed my work-life balance to become uneven. In another time and space, I would have beaten myself up for such a mistake. However, I am not the same person I was one year ago, five years ago, or even ten years ago. I am choosing to look toward this imbalance in my life with curiosity . . .
So let’s unpack this for a moment . . .
What lessons have I learned from this mistake…
- Work/Life balance is important
- Different parts of our lives require varying levels of time and commitment that will ebb and flow over time
- What we view as priorities reflects our values and belief systems
- Mistakes happen, and sometimes we need to step back, reflect, learn, and adjust
- Work/Life balance is a process not a destination because of the consistent ebb and flow of time, energy, and resources
What mistakes have you made in your life? What lessons did you glean from the experience? What does balance look like in your life?
To Forgive
In last week’s 3 Point Thursday, I discussed how this quote from Alexander Pope rose in my consciousness as I reflected on my work/life balance. Noticing this imbalance, I can take it as a mistake to be reflected upon, reviewed, learned from, and made necessary adjustments for the future. This was a growth opportunity.
I have been presented with several growth opportunities over the years. Some of these growth opportunities show up as mistakes and lessons learned while others show up as opportunities to forgive myself or others.
I would like to share my view of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is still important to hold people accountable for their actions. Rather, forgiveness is about allowing our individual emotions and energy to move forward toward healing. We forgive not for others but rather, for ourselves. Most importantly, this sometimes means forgiving ourselves.
There are two areas where I have found the ability to forgive in the past six months – one for myself and one for another. I will share both.
My biological father passed away this past summer. He and I had a complicated relationship for the majority of my life. Many years ago, I sent him a letter describing certain traumatic memories and I asked for clarification and accountability. I received a response in which he acknowledged responsibility and provided context. This correspondence helped me confront the animosity I carried toward him for nearly four decades.
When my father was hospitalized for a massive heart attack in June, I had not spoken to him in several years. This was not a choice I had made, but rather one made by him and his wife. Although we had not spoken or seen each other in a while, I took the necessary steps to travel and see him before he passed. If you would like to read the full story, you can find it here. The point I am making today is that the only reason I was able to make this final trip to see him was because I was already on a path of forgiving my father. In his final moments, I witnessed his humanness – mistakes, successes, failures, traumas, compassion, and love. I arrived at forgiveness in these final moments.
Another area where I find forgiveness is within myself. As I mentioned last week, I have allowed my work/life balance to fall out of balance. An older version of myself would have viewed this mistake as unforgivable . . . especially when taking my personal and professional training into account. However, I have become more forgiving of myself in recent years, and rather than berating myself over my mistakes, I am working on viewing them as opportunities for learning and growth. I am learning to forgive myself for the mistakes I have made as well as the ones I may make in the future.
Forgiveness of Oneself is a Path of Evolution and Growth
Forgiveness is a way to free ourselves from self-inflicted critiques. It liberates our emotional, mental, and physical resources. It truly is a way of discovering the divine in ourselves.
Where have you found forgiveness? Have you been able to forgive yourself? What about others? Do you notice the change in your life as you walk toward forgiveness?
About the Author
As a practitioner and healer in Washington, DC for more than a decade, I take a patient-centered approach to care through acupuncture, cupping, herbal medicines, and mind-body coaching, with a specialty in full-spectrum reproductive health care.
